if i dont type this down i dont know when i will ever do it. prolly not in the future cause i'd be thinking it is a bad idea. i really wish im at a time where things werent so fragile as they were now.

anyway. i know i should prolly be very immune to losing people. but i guess im not. well. im prolly on a verge of losing someone important. maybe i have already, i dont know. i feel sad about it but im not motivated to do anything about it either. half of me hopes that it would be alright. but half of me know it isnt. I hate how im at war with myself on this. but i know i cant go on about it speaking about my feelings because some bitches would prolly be like "er........ what...?" " what is she tryna do" blah blah blah. ya i sound like some paranoid bitch. maybe i am.

but at the end of the day, i cant force anyone to make any decision. so thats that. so i decided to forget that this happened. besides. when one door closes another opens, right?

bittersweet

whats up guyssss. hows the holidays going for you? mine has been great i guess. im finally up to season 5 of himym and i caught up with each and everyone of my friends. ^^v i guess all i really want right now is just a day alone at home doing my things without having to worry about reports to type and projects to complete but ah. i dont have the luxury to do that.

oh and if you're wondering, this is how mine went. tracing back to last week saturday, i went to help out at yck comunity center for some health results thingy and health circuit! :-) then gg out with bjsyz to celebrate jess 17th birthday hehe. hope you're having fun in china ^^v
7 years of friendship and counting yes? ^^ <3

so on sunday i went for softball training in the morning and had my hair done- like f i n a l l y.

now i have like 4 colours in my hair cuz my hair stylist is crazy haha. but yeah, i really wanted the blue hair but it wasnt obvious enough because he didnt want me to bleach it. so it looks like the one on top. he also did like a brown base with the top part of my hair with purple and gold highlights. :-) the gold is stealing most of the limelight tho.

on monday, it was crazy because i had like meeting, bonding session and open house talk all crammed into one day. on tuesday was even more boring cuz it was open house briefing all over again but by ro ann this time around. but i get to leave slightly early. thank god for training right. this is like the most boring two days of the week... but it gets better hehe.

on wednesday, i met aly baby and sj for lunch at nyp!

aww i rlly miss them. sj was like, why you wear so nice to come nyp?! and he just couldnt stop talking about it. like literally. it went on and on for the whole time we were there so i promised him the next time im meeting them there im wearing my pjays. haha. oh yup then i went to meet farhani, renie, logan and jr! :-) even tho it was for awhile it was still great.

then i met sy, before meeting my girls for our coffee date hehe

oh i love my friends :-)
thursday was pretty mundane at the start becuase math class was at 9am in the morning to 12 in the afternoon. we had lunch at clementi mall then went back to schl wrapping stuff for the eldery for the active ager event at clementi cc. anyway after that event i didnt really regret volunteering for it because i met some really great year 3 seniors and the elderly that were there were all so adorable. sigh when i grow old i want to be aging with grace and have great friends to go to such stuff with too. one of them showed me so much love im still thinking about her until now hehe. it was so much fun we even got to dance to some random pop song and going crazy ms carmen was like " dont be so crazy you must protect your image" haha

friday was spent with jr gg to marche to nomz and shopping for stuff we didnt buy in the end cuz the sperry he wanted didnt have his size and i couldnt find my studded boots. so in the end we gave up and went to udders instead and had a super long walk all the way back to amk.

saturday was sports club bonding camp and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. :-) we ended up prawing the whole night and i had training at 8 am which was basically a stupid move because i was friggin tired. but fun nevertheless. chervel came over later at night and she is such a joy i love her hehe.

what a week huh. i guess if i had to choose a day to re-live i would definitely choose wednesday. :-) i guess bittersweet meant that somethings in life are great and some.. not so much. you cant have a rainbow without some rain right? i guess life is just like that, but we love it anyway :-)

looking forward to this coming week tho. training and proj tmwr, class outing at sentosa on wed, marina barrage w sy, aly, kulia on thurs and uss on fri. :-)

updates soon, hope you're having a great hols too. xoxo

my humps.

over due photo but here it is anyway. always good to start a post with a picture, xx.

too stressed out to do anything so i shall blog. i guess it is my form of escapism from reality even though i am currently blogging about my reality. hmm.

i dont know why my course is so stressful. i mean i see people's courses and they have like 3/4 modules per sem and we have like 7 each sem. even the module that teaches us to manage stress is stressing us out. oh the irony. urgh..... but this is what i chose so therefore i shall not complain. lol. better learn to deal with it because people are getting crazy gpa 4.

anyway, im so glad i met with alysa today. omg i rlly missed the girl! so much so that we spend the first hour chatting and updating each other about our lives. i remember when we always sit together during english classes and bring our carebear to school just for that lesson. lol idk what we were thinking but ms khoo luved it too. har har. omgzxz if you r reading this i hope to see you soon! hehe after my exams then we can have a nice decent chat over coffee without studying, yay. luv.

on a side note i think gymming is quite addictive becuz when you go to the gym you have this target that you want to achieve and you work hard to achieve it. Its for your own good and you don't have coaches and expectations to live up to or anyone to please because it is your body and the look you want to maintain. i guess i like it like that. For some people losing weight, keeping fit, etc. i dont know. but rn i need to gain 0.8kg of muscle and lose 0.2kg of fats whoop. i found out today that i can just lie in bed and eat two MacDonald meals without gaining anything. hahaha i guess this is then benefit of my course then. becuz we have a gym built for us for our practical lessons and we can book to use it anytime we want. plus points, you get to see fit guys in our course with real muscles and everything. hehe.

oh and i dissected a frog and here is a picture to prove it

hahaha. i swear it was super fun! cuz i wanted to be the one to dissect the frog and jr and yy let me, yay. and no im not a sadist.

i guess another plus point is that we get to cook awesome dishes. like the ones above were the ones that we made for practical lessons. we had to start from scratch so the group that did the chicken had to literally chop of the head of the chicken. and i might add, which was quit gruesome to watch. but at least i didnt do it. lol. i swear i was going to hurl when the teacher did the demo but thank god i didnt. ya i can dissect a frog and cant watch the removal of a chicken's head. cuz im a p u  s s y.

i guess at the end of this post your wondering whats up with my title and it has really nothing to do with the post except that jolz was playing the song in the library just now and it got stuck in my head ever since. damn.

see you all very soon, and stop eating frog legs and drinking juice out of a can. so much luv for you all. xx

recovery at its best.

had a really great saturday with my girls. i swear whenever we go out, its always a good time. haha. so 10 of us made it for dinner, which was like almost the whole team ^^v  everyone updated about their current lives, some good, some not so great but still not that bad. oh and of cuz we couldnt leave out the juicy gossips. hahaha. and yes i still cant get over the fact..... lol.

we were suppose to have dinz at timbre but thanks to the stupid service that didnt take down sy's number and contacts, they said that they didnt have the reservation. lol, whut. thank god we had like a back up plan which was bungy bar owned my becky's dad. their cheese fries is so awesome. haha and we had bacon!! oh emm gee yums.  

oh and i have to blog about this cuz it was too epic. we bought this peach drink from this jap shop because we were all so thirsty but then when we got back to central we realised that it was covered with those beer bottle caps and, of course we didnt have a bottle opener. so we stood around for 15 minutes thinking of ways to open it then suddenly one of the girls tried to open it with some metal sculpture and failed. i guess we were really desperate. in the end, we all decided to head home to drink it! lol. and sherlene the freaking bimbo was like " i think it would taste better cold so im putting it in the fridge first " so i said, " i guess they invented ice for a reason" and sher was like " oh my ya iceee i totally forgot. " hahahaha. :') my girls.

speaking of which i really missed secondary school cuz during recess we would just sit outside the bench waiting for each other to get out of class before gg down for recess together. mel would always cut queue to help us order noodles and stuff. during april fools we sat outside in a whole row just to prank the person walking by hahaha.

too many things happened to fit into this small space, so i shall end here.
oh well, its monday tomorrow, wish me luck.
see you all very soon, xx.

ps/ and yes, time heals all wounds isnt it? well, i hope it is healing mine now. 

para los que amo, voy a sacrificar.

day 10 is suppose to be a picture of something that i use daily.. so here is someday by justin bieber. ^^v

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HARLOW.
I TYPED A SUPER LONG POST ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING RECENTLY BUT I DECIDED THAT IF PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT YR LIFE THEY WOULD JUST TEXT YOU AND ASK YOU HOW IT HAS BEEN. MINE IS TO THE EXTEND THAT IM SAYING FUCK MY LIFE AND DONT YOU PEOPLE COME TO SP. GO TO NP, NYP, RP, TP. you have been warned.

i dwell with a strangely aching heart

day 8 is suppose to be a picture of your sky and that was how mine looked like a few days ago when i went jogging. it was kinda dark cuz it was gonna rain but it didnt and i managed to watch the sunset. :-) i hate it when the weather is bad when i go for a jog because jogging really helps me think. i dont know how it works but whenever i go for a jog i think better and after the jog all my problems would be solved somehow or rather. if it doesnt that means that i will have to continue jogging for the next few days until i get it sorted in my brain i guess.

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(i think i look cuter when i was younger ^ )
holaaaaaa. how is it going for you guys? :-)
i wanna thank a certain someone that has helped me thru something that happened not too long ago. i guess it was great that i took the advice. it wasnt the fact that i didnt thought about the ways to solve it- i already knew i had to do it i just didnt want to, or rather didnt have the courage to. but you telling me the problem straight to my face was just the antidote that i needed to wake myself up from this mess. i guess you gave me courage to do something and it made me feel better ever since. i dont know why but it did and im glad. i still think about the problem now and then but i dont regret because i know that whatever i did was for the best and i had to let go at one point or another. there was no point holding on to something that had already been lost.

oh look im a happy cat. lol. my sist bought this to wear to the halloween event at USS.. and i guess it looks cuter > scary. probably it just attracted all the weird killer clowns and scary dolls to her i dont know. if i went there i bet i will be like " ahhh fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck " lol. i am never good with scary stuff  or horror movies. but i think im getting numb to horror movies now.. cuz i didnt scream at the lastest one that i watched. yay me?

school on tuesday was great because it was our first gym practical! everyone looks so sporty yay and renie looks super cute here, doesnt she? this is like the yoga room i think because there are mirrors on the walls of the room and yoga balls at the side. This gym is built solely for DNHW students! how cool is that? :-)

i guess thats all, cuz im tired and i need my rest. harhar.
i shall leave you with this song because i think dappy sounds great singing solo.

i'd say i give a fuck but i dont.

let me start the post with a 16 pictures of myself becuz i luv myself.  lol. follow me on insta (@beldelacour) if you love me too. lol im just sayin'
day 6 is suppose to be something that makes me smile and i dont really know.. hmm. i guess the thing that made me happy recently was finding my old ( now spoilt ) watch under my bed. i have been mourning for so long and i found it under my bed. sweet surprise.

i cant say school has been great because it havent. but i see everyone trying really hard now and it stresses me out like crazy because when i get home i dont really do much work. especially since the school just started, i just come back home and read my books. oh yay another thing that makes me happy.

on the bright side which really isnt very bright to begin with, the lecturers arent that bad. i have to say i luv paul's lessons cause i can relate to them pretty well. He is like this macho guy teaching us and its really funny cuz he reminds me of johnny bravo without the blond hair.

on the other not so colourful side of my life, i realised that im starting to hate texting alot. so i either take very long to reply or dont reply cuz i dont like it anymore. i stopped checking twitter as often because all i see nowadays are just indirect tweets scolding each other or whatever. i mean i do that when im bitchy but not so much anymore because i keep telling myself that i dont want to be like that. plus, its quite meaningless to do so if you were scolding someone and they are completely oblivious to it...... and ask you "who you bitching about" then you're like.. "you."

since this post is already so lenghty (is it even a word? lol) i shall do day 7 as well.
here is a picture of my favourite quote. it has been ever since someone left but then i think it has served its purpose for me and now it shall for you.

heres a random picture of me from not too long ago.. during the start of hols.

ok i hope you like my screaming face and halloween is coming.. so you shall be dreaming of me screaming tonight. hopefully it will be a beautiful nightmare.harhar. tell me how it goes.

see you all very soon. x

Day 5 - something you wore

my most recent ootd. so i might as well use it cuz it suppose to be a picture of something i wore.
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i guess if you all have been reading my twitter, you must be wondering why i was so sad the past couple of days.. well, its because my hamster died. yala some people might think im over-reacting or what not but fuck you cuz you dont have a pet, much less know the feeling of losing one. you dont know how it feels like to carry its stone cold body and bury it, hoping that wherever it is going it has gone to a better place. so dont comment on something you have yet to experience and dont tell me you feel me becos you obviously dont. i dont need pity or whatever because i know thats not going to get me my hamster back. i just wish i could have done more for this hamster so its able to live longer.. i dont know. Rest In Peace, fluffy. 28 dec 2009 - 9 oct 2012. no hamster can ever replace you and i'll visit you whenever i can.

thank you for everyone that has been there. jr texted me and like said " who make you cry!?" and like he was upset that he couldnt cheer me up but thanks for being there :') and fauzan texted me to ask me to call him but i didnt reply or call at all then he still called me up at night and asked me whats wrong. Yiying sent me a super long message asking me to cheer up :') and ryan who can totally relate to my situation.. thank you all so much.

i guess all i need now is closure.

day 4- a picture of your mail box.

well its sad that i dont have a pretty mailbox to post up but what the hell. actually i do. it is made of metal and it is very ugly. i bet everyone has one similar to mine. unless you're staying in a private property which is a different case lol. but good for you anyway, you can do this 30 day challenge then!

i have been shopping alot lately and yes it makes me happy. so if you are reading this, you should ask me out so i have a chance to wear what i bought ^^v hahaha. im just saying that.

anyway, im running out of things to do during the holidays so im pretty glad it is coming to an end. i havent touched my pen in the longest time so my handwriting is going to be awfully ugly for the first few days... on top of that i really hate ugly handwriting so i'll probably re-write everything once i have the time. lol.

im so glad im going to be going out for almost the week next week tho! traning and hair treatment on monday with yilu, cycling at ecp with my girls on tuesday, training and baking with my buddies on wednesday, bestfriend day on friday! :-)

lol sometimes i dont even know why i blog.

DAY 3

hi i havent been here for awhile. normally dont blog becuz im happy but thats not the case and i dont know why either. i feel like no one is going to read whatever shit im going to type anyway but im still here typing. what the hell am i doing.

recently so many bad things are happening. okay not exactly bad but not really good either. i just wish things were better. ya you guys are probably saying, what bad things can happen to you cuz others are probably having it worse- the starving kids in africa blah blah blah. so if you put it that way isnt it saying that i cant be happy cuz others might have it better? lol. just a food for thought.

anyway to all those taking o levels out there i hope you guys are all well prepared and stuff. another 20+ days right? just bear with it for now cuz things are going to awesome once o levels end! :-) i remember when i got my results someone was like " huh you so smart ah? i thought you very stupid one" ya fuck you cuz i did better than you.lol and i did it without your tuition(s) so i can say that whatever that i have today is what i have worked so hard for. dont go looking down on people just because im in the last class of the express stream. look where you are now? lol. i didnt want to be so blunt but like, if im stupid then what r you. not like i got a single digit or what but i think 10 points is not that bad for a stupid person like me right. of cuz there are smarter people around but i dont go around calling people stupid.

so, for those taking o's, use this opportunity to work hard and prove others wrong. at the end of the day (as cliche as it sounds) you do reap what you sow. i wish you all the best, becuz i's like to believe the best in everyone. ^^

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anyway day 3 is suppose to be a picture of somthing that you love. so, here is a picture of me and my 10 sisters. :-) i love them all.

Day 2 - your breakfast

on the top, eggs benedict, on the bottom, is big breakfast.
this was the breakfast that i had in malacca last week :-) casa del rio is definately the hotel you want to choose for your holiday as it has one of the best services, the staffs are all friendly and approachable. ** plus points. on top of that, they serve English breakfast and a buffet spread is also included! ^^

DAY 1

since im so friggin bored and i shall do this. it is a 30 day photo challenge.
day 1 is suppose to be a photo of you.

its not the nicest picture or whatever. oh well.

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saw someone twitting about how he dislike stupid people and how he cant tolerate people with low standards of English. Then he twitted that too much of LDL (low-density lipoproteins) will cause it to convert into HDL (high-density lipoproteins); which is obviously wrong on all accounts. he is also a self-proclaimed dietician.

for starters, i usually don't bother about such things, especially since he isnt talking about me, but who gave him the permission to call people stupid just because of their poor, horrid standards of english. just because you are well versed in english language doesnt give you the right to look down on other people that arent.

For your information, too much of LDL will not cause it to convert into HDL. LDL is actually the type of lipoprotein that is mainly composed of cholesterol. HDL is the lipoprotein that removes the cholesterol from the cells and carry it back to the liver for recycling or disposal. Having said that, you obviously want more of HDL in your body. High LDL cholesterol is associated with high risk of  heart attack, whereas high HDL cholesterol seems to have a protective effect.

so much for calling others stupid now, isnt it?

thanks for the memories even though they werent so sweet.

whats upppp im back hehe.
finally 17th! 365 more days till i'm legal. anyway, exams is finally over. i swear i have never tried so hard in my life before so all that i have been studying for has got to be worth it.

celebrated my 17th birthday with the volleyball girls at MBS! how cool is it that my dad has finally let me stay over. this is like the first friggin time and im so glad that my parents allowed me to stay. lololol. i sound like im 13th with over-protective parents.. but im still grateful nonetheless.  the girls surprised me while i was on the phone with the bro in the toilet. (because the reception is the best there) cuz he wanted to be the first to wish me and he was. haha how sweet is he?! ^^v

 it was a great start to being seventeen even though i might not have been very much sober to remember most of it. ^^ i love my girls for planning it, and i love them because each and everyone of them was able to make it.

 letter from janelle! thank you for the seventeen wishes <3 ^^ i will find a guy that will accept me for my looks, character, personality, laughter, style of clothes, cup size, waist size, etc. haha ^^

 told wk that i lost my watch and he gave me on for my birthday. but i have to count to tell the time. it is a complicated watch but thank you for the watch and chocolate. haha thank you for coming early to 5 hours before your paper and giving it to me. ^^ im such a lucky junior... sometimes. hahaha :')

 one time i told the bestfriend that i wanted a hello kitty watch when we walked past the watch shop and he actually remembered. Plus he got it for me as a birthday present! so freaking happy because i wanted this watch since forever. even though it is meant for kids, im still able to wearing it. cool or what. ^^ so the sales person asked joseph if he was buying it for a small kid and he said yes. lolol and he keeps saying im small now and even smaller with this watch. oh well. im still so freaking happy. i kept telling him that through out the entire time we were out. hahaha.

thank you to rene and julia for the pen and the glow in the dark nail polish.. somehow it doesnt work for me i dont know why. but damn cuz i wanted to scare people with it. thank you to twins for the necklace and the letter ^^ so sweet of you both to buy me the cake as well!

:) i appreciate everything.

thank you terence for the cupcakes even though i cant eat them due to my cough and flu but it was very nice and unexpected. :) first time receiving 17 cupcakes!

most primary school card i have seen ever, but i guess it is the thought that counts haha tq to jiawei. shiyuan said that her card is more awesome compared to this but i have yet to receive it. haha

cake from my class ^^

went for class outing today and i shall do a post on it cuz i think this is wayyyy too long.

till the next post, xx. 

on a side note, i think i look better smiling with teeth, what about you? changing my hair colour with yilu tomorrow at our salon hehe. still thinking of what colour i should change to.. hmm. suggestions?

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edit.
i dont know what i am doing blogging about this because you dont even read this. it has been almost... 3 weeks? i dont know what is with you and your constant drinking and shit, but you should stop cuz it is bad for you. i dont know why you're acting like this because you are so much better before. i guess all i wanted was change and i thought i could count on someone like you. so i guess when it is all said and done, there is nothing much we can change. you're all i think about during lonely nights like these. with hope, i hope you think about me often enough. thank you.