been trying out this new blogging site!
jadedsunsets.wordpress.com
Monday, December 30, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hols
That's right. The hols is here. Finally. And just a week before I was cramming everything into my head, making plans for the next day. Like how to study etc. but that's over now.
I just realised I can never go a day without planning my day in advanced. Like if today was Saturday I would be planning for Sunday. What time should I get up? What should I do? What to complete? What are the things that r in my 'in' tray? Not literal because I threw the trays I had when I shifted house. Probably because I never really used them and they don't make my work anymore productive than it already is so... Yeah.
Feels like I'm spurting nonsense again. But whatever. I miss my friends but thank god I can see them soon. Like bjsyz... This coming Monday and the vball girls for christmas dinner. I miss my bro and buds but I guess everyone's changed and somehow something that was once familiar to me feels different. Everyone has different things they wanna achieve and I guess they change along the way. It's true when people tell you to treasure the 'moment' because it only lasts for awhile. Everyone is ever changing but I feel stagnant somehow.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Goodnight
Finally putting this app into good use because I'm too lazy to turn on the laptop. Initially I wanted to use the iPad to type this delayed post but hafiz has been holding onto it so whatever. Side tracking. I really don't know what I'm using the iPad for. Maybe it's true when people say they use it to flaunt their richness but the weird thing is I'm not and I should prolly sell it sometime soon so I can use it the cash for something better. Like i dont know a legit watch?!?!
Ok I'm ranting.... Moving on.
Recently I have been addicted to this YouTube star called clothes encounters. I don't really know why because I honestly have no interest in fashion at all. but I love her attitude the way she portrays herself in such a unique and bubbly manner that it's almost crazy to not fall in love with. If you have the time do check her out. I also love how she isn't like those perfect stick models kinda girl. Like she had her period of fatness (lol is there even such a word) and lost weight from it. "Her determination is most admirable." haha sounds like I picked it out from a movie. I did.
MSTs r cmg and I have like a test tomorrow but I'm still here lol fml. I should be sleeping rn but there so many things going on in my head.
I like to be alone now. Wow surprise surprise hahaha. No seriously I mean it. I enjoy time alone reading books or just staring into blank space without having to please anyone. Sometimes friends r nice to be with but sometimes they aren't. so I decided to stay away. And i don't really care if I'm in your "gang" or not. Because at the end of the day I have myself and that's all there is. And then of course there is hafiz. Haha but he doesn't judge me. I would know - I have farted, dig my nose, burped infront of him so yeah. I mean he does that too so it's cool.
I used to be someone that can't live without friends and I always thought that if I hang out more with them they would appreciate me more but that was the wrong concept of all time. If they love you it doesn't matter if you hang out or not you will still be in their hearts. And I appreciate those that fall in the latter category.
This is such an awkward ending but yeah. Till the next. X
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
the mystery of BA: solved
hello. hellos < lol i dont even know why i used to type like that last time. the older i am the more i realise how stupid i was before and i am so ashamed sometimes i dont even want to look back. i think you guys get that.. do you?
sometimes i wonder how me and hafiz are not bored of each other because we have this no handphone rule when we are eating. oh and this unwritten rule tht we should not use our phones when we are with each other because the moment i use it he will be like" i have to fight for you attention with a non-living thing is it?! etc etc" you get the picture.
anyway i was talking to hafiz about how we met etc etc and we started to talk about how the name BA came about. alot of people kinda asked me like why does hafiz call you BA instead of like bel or belinda.
That is because the first time we met in chiangmai or rather the trip to chiangmai, he was asking for my name. of course i didnt want to tell him and then i told everyone not to as well. so this friend of mine- forgot who- said like my name started with the letter B and ended with the letter A.
so hafiz ( being hafiz ) went like: "huh? BA?"
and that was how BA came about. there were a few more weird nickname since then but this has got to be the best one. up until now it feels weird when he calls me belinda, i think im warming up to being BA.
sometimes i wonder how me and hafiz are not bored of each other because we have this no handphone rule when we are eating. oh and this unwritten rule tht we should not use our phones when we are with each other because the moment i use it he will be like" i have to fight for you attention with a non-living thing is it?! etc etc" you get the picture.
anyway i was talking to hafiz about how we met etc etc and we started to talk about how the name BA came about. alot of people kinda asked me like why does hafiz call you BA instead of like bel or belinda.
That is because the first time we met in chiangmai or rather the trip to chiangmai, he was asking for my name. of course i didnt want to tell him and then i told everyone not to as well. so this friend of mine- forgot who- said like my name started with the letter B and ended with the letter A.
so hafiz ( being hafiz ) went like: "huh? BA?"
and that was how BA came about. there were a few more weird nickname since then but this has got to be the best one. up until now it feels weird when he calls me belinda, i think im warming up to being BA.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
holidays
finally back and it feels so great. sometimes i quite glad that i dont really come here much because of all the sad things that it contains but then again it feels good to type out everything that has been going on lately in my life. (not that anyone is interested) but here goes.
holidays just started and it feels really great. i am finally 18 can you believe it?! my last paper kinda ended on my birthday and to end it off i spent a great time with hafiz. he treated me to the buffet that i wanted to go for so long because everyone around me keeps talking about it. haha on top of that he even wanted to give me tix for the jb concert that is coming up but i didnt really feel like going because i dont want him to waste so much money on me.
instead he got me this perfume from yves saint laurent and like many other presents from this shop that we saw after dinner. i feel so blessed and sometimes i find myself wondering what i would do without him. most people think that hafiz is really fortunate to have me but no. i guess not. i guess im the one that is lucky. i feel like when i am with him i dont have to constantly worry about all my problems and i can finally relax more because i have someone that is worrying about it as much as i do.
he solves like alot of problems for me and forces me to face the problems that i avoid. i know that being with him brings out the better side of me because he drives me to be a better person. that is what we all want from our other halves isnt it?
i see how my friends are with their boyfriends going off to army and i try to put myself in their shoes too. what if hafiz was going to the serve the country? i bet i wont even last a day. sigh. i cant bear the thought of not having him around because he is always always there to protect me. of course there are ups and downs but then i always find myself back in his arms. and of course that is where i want to stay.
i got a job as a brownie stylist hehe and it is going great so far i just hope that it doesnt take up so much of my time so that i still have time for hafiz and softball all together. i love my new job not because of all the dish washing and the cleaning i have to do but because this job let loose the creative side of you haha and like its so therapeutic always being around chocolate sigh. even tho my coach says im going to be fat :-(
i guess sacrifices have to be made then!
sigh i have to end here because i have a game at 8 tomorrow and it is already 12. goodnight :-)
holidays just started and it feels really great. i am finally 18 can you believe it?! my last paper kinda ended on my birthday and to end it off i spent a great time with hafiz. he treated me to the buffet that i wanted to go for so long because everyone around me keeps talking about it. haha on top of that he even wanted to give me tix for the jb concert that is coming up but i didnt really feel like going because i dont want him to waste so much money on me.
instead he got me this perfume from yves saint laurent and like many other presents from this shop that we saw after dinner. i feel so blessed and sometimes i find myself wondering what i would do without him. most people think that hafiz is really fortunate to have me but no. i guess not. i guess im the one that is lucky. i feel like when i am with him i dont have to constantly worry about all my problems and i can finally relax more because i have someone that is worrying about it as much as i do.
he solves like alot of problems for me and forces me to face the problems that i avoid. i know that being with him brings out the better side of me because he drives me to be a better person. that is what we all want from our other halves isnt it?
i see how my friends are with their boyfriends going off to army and i try to put myself in their shoes too. what if hafiz was going to the serve the country? i bet i wont even last a day. sigh. i cant bear the thought of not having him around because he is always always there to protect me. of course there are ups and downs but then i always find myself back in his arms. and of course that is where i want to stay.
i got a job as a brownie stylist hehe and it is going great so far i just hope that it doesnt take up so much of my time so that i still have time for hafiz and softball all together. i love my new job not because of all the dish washing and the cleaning i have to do but because this job let loose the creative side of you haha and like its so therapeutic always being around chocolate sigh. even tho my coach says im going to be fat :-(
i guess sacrifices have to be made then!
sigh i have to end here because i have a game at 8 tomorrow and it is already 12. goodnight :-)
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Part 2
Actually I'm feeling pretty excited about this part because I had no idea that people were reading and haha some of them were asking me about part two.
So where did I stop? Oh yeah the awkward dinner. Awkward because his friend was there haha. So we didn't manage to have those proper meaningful conversations like those you have on dates and stuff. But things really progressed from there. Given the short amount of time we were together, all the pieces fell together, the right pieces...
You know how people love long and meaningful messages? We had that, and still have it even tho it isn't as frequent as before. He have this unwritten rule that he must send me home always, not only because he wants to spend more time with me but also make sure that I got home safe and sound.more of the latter actually. It really means a lot to me, not because I never had anyone send me home before, but because I stay at woodlands now and he stays at holland. That's an hour ride to my house and an hour back... So much time spent just to make sure I was safe. But I guess to him every single second was worth it. Normally my classes ends around 5/6 last sem, so he had to either wait for me or wait for me? Haha. unless if he is unable to send me home he will ask me to take a cab back home and pay for it.
At first i was really reluctant for him to send me home always. i hated getting used to something i thought i was going to lose. like what if he didnt stay? what if he left? what if he was playing me? but now its like a usual routine, something we both love to do together. at the end of a long hard day in school all we want, or at least what i want, is to be in his arms. Then we'll ask about all the events that happened in the day and even if it was bad, we'd still have each other.
ahh. im side tracking. oh yeah i was talking about the messages. we continued with the usual date routines, the long messages, movie dates etc etc.. and finally one day, he asked. OMG HAHA I LOVE TELLING THIS PART BECAUSE GUESS HOW HE ASKED ME.
he wrote it on a crappy piece of paper. haha. then i was like " no " i want a do-over. i dont want to look back at this in the future and all i got was a crappy piece of paper. So it dragged on for a few days, and then he asked me, face to face. This is the second best part. guess how long he took to ask me to be his girlfriend? 45 minutes. freaking 45 minutes hahaha and he was saying how fast his heart was beating and how he has never done anything like that before.but after 45 minutes, he finally gathered the courage to.
Somehow i am really glad that i've met him because i swear, besides him, no one else knows me like he does. He will always know what's on my mind most of the time and i can always tell him anything and everything on my mind. He feels like he have known me forever too. We kinda talked about it once, and its crazy how much we can read each other. There was once, his friend found out about him having a girlfriend and kinda asked how long we have been together and stuff. so he replied "oh two years plus"
yeah he is just kidding, it isnt even two years, but that is how it feels like. it feels like we have known each other forever.
you must be wondering if we had any quarrels, we did. we fight about alot of things, we walk out on each other, we send each other hate textes. but all in all, at the end of the day, we know who we want to see at the end of our tunnel. These quarrels we have or had are just a part of the hurdles we have to go through together.
after all, we know that we only have each other to depend on when times get rough and that is what pulls us through. have a problem? sit down and talk it out. find a solution before it gets too late. we always have this rule that we must always say what we feel and how we feel. By trashing it out, we change and make ourselves better for one another.
haha, i guess thats all?
c u next post. xx
At first i was really reluctant for him to send me home always. i hated getting used to something i thought i was going to lose. like what if he didnt stay? what if he left? what if he was playing me? but now its like a usual routine, something we both love to do together. at the end of a long hard day in school all we want, or at least what i want, is to be in his arms. Then we'll ask about all the events that happened in the day and even if it was bad, we'd still have each other.
ahh. im side tracking. oh yeah i was talking about the messages. we continued with the usual date routines, the long messages, movie dates etc etc.. and finally one day, he asked. OMG HAHA I LOVE TELLING THIS PART BECAUSE GUESS HOW HE ASKED ME.
he wrote it on a crappy piece of paper. haha. then i was like " no " i want a do-over. i dont want to look back at this in the future and all i got was a crappy piece of paper. So it dragged on for a few days, and then he asked me, face to face. This is the second best part. guess how long he took to ask me to be his girlfriend? 45 minutes. freaking 45 minutes hahaha and he was saying how fast his heart was beating and how he has never done anything like that before.but after 45 minutes, he finally gathered the courage to.
Somehow i am really glad that i've met him because i swear, besides him, no one else knows me like he does. He will always know what's on my mind most of the time and i can always tell him anything and everything on my mind. He feels like he have known me forever too. We kinda talked about it once, and its crazy how much we can read each other. There was once, his friend found out about him having a girlfriend and kinda asked how long we have been together and stuff. so he replied "oh two years plus"
yeah he is just kidding, it isnt even two years, but that is how it feels like. it feels like we have known each other forever.
you must be wondering if we had any quarrels, we did. we fight about alot of things, we walk out on each other, we send each other hate textes. but all in all, at the end of the day, we know who we want to see at the end of our tunnel. These quarrels we have or had are just a part of the hurdles we have to go through together.
after all, we know that we only have each other to depend on when times get rough and that is what pulls us through. have a problem? sit down and talk it out. find a solution before it gets too late. we always have this rule that we must always say what we feel and how we feel. By trashing it out, we change and make ourselves better for one another.
haha, i guess thats all?
c u next post. xx
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Stress out.
I just need a break from everything. I'm so tired everyday of the week I feel like a zombie. This course is expecting so much from me... Sigh. I used to be so happy learning all the new things every single week but nowadays I find myself slaving after new assignments everyday.
People are constantly stepping on my toes because I don't even bother to make a stand. This has to stop.
Last but not least .... please please please maintain your originality. Sigh. Fucking copycats everywhere
And hafiz if you're reading this, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this shit with me. I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're my pillar of support. Thank you because I can tell you. Anything and everything and you know me best and you make all the decisions after thinking what would be best for me. I appreciate that. After all this I promise you a trip to our secret place and I'll be paying the bills. :-)
On a happier note my book is finally gonna arrive from the us hehe. I love receiving parcels.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Hafiz
Anyway, lets start it off with how we met. Actually, i met him like a year ago when i joined softball. (Thank god i joined softball) and didnt join volleyball. Firstly, i really wanted to try something new and i have to thank the person that got me into it in the first place, Boo. hehe. Sports Camp GL for my group that kinda asked me to go for tryouts. even though i wasnt able to make it for tryouts i went for the next several trainings instead and it turns out that i was picking up this sport quite quickly. i really wanted a sports CCA and because i really hate stepping out of my comfort zone, i decided to choose softball. since i already knew boo and its really cool because she turns out to be jiamin's cousin. hehe (small small world).
so i talked to hafiz after the next several trainings, i cant remember exactly when but all i knew was that he was really irritated and annoyed at me. in my defense i wasnt even trying to irritate him haha. i just didnt want to do the drills because like... OMG we have been batting the balls like robots continuously for the past hour already. other than that i dont really recall having much conversation with him.. infact none at all. cause i thought he was a senior then like all the softball people are not rlly the type of people i wanted to date because i felt that dating within your cca is so damn awkz and weird. haha ok im biting my own tongue now.
That was until our softball trip at chiangmai, thailand during the hols.Then we started having like real conversations haha. Like i said before i really didnt like stepping out of my comfort zone and i wasnt really close to anyone in softball yet, other than boo. so i was feeling pretty reluctant to go at first and again (Thank god i went) it has given me much exposure in terms of softball and it brought the girls team much much closer together than we were before. I met max and haha she really took care of me during the trip and im still grateful up till now. oh right and i met hafiz haha. actually i didnt know how it started. im not sure if it was the airplane ride or the long bus ride. but all in all throughout the whole trip he took really good care of me as well. even though i didnt think much of it then but when i think back now it makes my heart skip a beat and i feel butterflies in my tummy haha. but something bad happened along the trip cause like i was robbed and hafiz felt like it was his responsibility to "protect" everyone. i dont know why but he felt really guilty about it. so after the incident happened he kinda avoided me and we didnt speak for quite awhile.
School reopened and i dont usually see hafiz around school because being a science student most of our meals are usually at foodcourt 3 and hafiz was always hanging around foodcourt 5. apparently there is alot of pretty girls there for him to ogle at? idk. but on that day that school reopened i saw him at fc3 and like he wanted to ask me to go back to his secondary school to help with coaching?! what a way to ask a girl out idk. haha. but in the end i didnt manage to go because he thought i didnt reply him (because his phone didnt recieve the message) and i thought he didnt reply me because i dont know, guys are weird. they dont reply for no reason. then yiying was like telling me that i should call him to see if the plan is still on or like its cancelled. haha at first i didnt want to then yiying was like telling me " at least you try" so i did. but guess what HE DIDNT PICK UP. lol.
so i thought like the whole thing was stupid and i was pretty much cursing at him for making me bring all my softball equipments to school without using them. Plus i had to lug it all the way home like hello. its not light?!?!?! in the end he called back then i was like " you're the one that didnt reply me" then he was like " ya right i was waiting for your reply" and he asked me out for dinz. haha which was very very awkward but look where we are now. haha
ok im gonna stop here. haha part 2?
luvz.xx
Thursday, May 2, 2013
sick gurllll
hiiiii ^^ whatsupppppp.
can i say i feel like the luckiest girl on earth now. because i literally feel like i am. hehe.
ok maybe not everything is perfect. like my health is bad but its getting better. i hope i recover soon. been sick since sunday and today is alrd thurs :-(
thank you hafiz for everything. for taking care of me this week. (you have now officially seen me at my worst, so i believe you deserve me at my best).
haha. im not good at happy post. i think such memories are suppose to be kept close to your heart or when you hear a song on the radio. so the next time you hear it you'll be reminded of what happened.
can i say i feel like the luckiest girl on earth now. because i literally feel like i am. hehe.
ok maybe not everything is perfect. like my health is bad but its getting better. i hope i recover soon. been sick since sunday and today is alrd thurs :-(
thank you hafiz for everything. for taking care of me this week. (you have now officially seen me at my worst, so i believe you deserve me at my best).
haha. im not good at happy post. i think such memories are suppose to be kept close to your heart or when you hear a song on the radio. so the next time you hear it you'll be reminded of what happened.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
its time to start living
hi guys i have finally came to update this tiny tiny and not to mention dead space. i swear time passes damn quickly when you're in poly. i mean i cant believe i'm finally going to be year 2 in just a few more weeks! i still rmb when i first came to sp and realize how everyone was so grown up and shit and thinking how i want to be just like them. but here i am feeling not so grown up at all.
that aside, im feeling pretty upset that the holidays are coming to an end and i havent actually done anything that i really like other than going for picnic w max, jason and fiz. i honestly think that that was the high point of my entire holiday. i mean it was great, we soaked in the sun and had really good roasted chicken- two in fact. YUMYUM. plus i got to carry my totally gay picnic basket and not get judged because its so motherfreaking ass huge and gay.
ok im bored already. i have a very short attention span on things right now..
anw im ending my post with this picture because its true and i think its also true when people say "people only treasure things when they are gone" too bad baby, you snooze, you lose. i gave you too many chances and i wont be the one to say " i told you so " right now.
p.s. i want to iceskate someone bring me please.
that aside, im feeling pretty upset that the holidays are coming to an end and i havent actually done anything that i really like other than going for picnic w max, jason and fiz. i honestly think that that was the high point of my entire holiday. i mean it was great, we soaked in the sun and had really good roasted chicken- two in fact. YUMYUM. plus i got to carry my totally gay picnic basket and not get judged because its so motherfreaking ass huge and gay.
ok im bored already. i have a very short attention span on things right now..
anw im ending my post with this picture because its true and i think its also true when people say "people only treasure things when they are gone" too bad baby, you snooze, you lose. i gave you too many chances and i wont be the one to say " i told you so " right now.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
revived
i havent been here for quite some time and i guess it's because i was finally content with how life was or were. it is sad that this blog has now become such a sad and lonely place left for me and my sad memories to die.
why do i always come here when im sad? oh thats right, because i ran out of people to whine to. no im just kidding, i just felt like typing this here. ever felt like you can never be too happy because you're afraid that once you soak in that blissful happiness something is going to go very very wrong? it happens to me all the time and i dont know why, after awhile you just stop being genuinely happy. its like the more crap you go through, the more you want to be alone.
i think after being alone for so long i just realize how much i dont want to compete in this relationship battle. like how when you are with someone, and when your someone looks at someone else, you are like completely jealous and all you can do is sulk like a bitch. im sick and tired of this. yes i might probably feel jealous for abit then i think again, if he really wanted to leave, he could. the door is always open. i'll just remember you left me because of her. and when one fine day you try and come back, the door would have already been locked shut, key tossed at sea, dragged down by a cold hard rock.
i hate how we have to always compete for the best spot. because if you are his gf/ bf you are already guaranteed one, aint it? but i guess not. im sorry i'll never match up to her or im sorry you'll never trust me as much as her or the moon for that matter. i dont want to try to reach that level, i dont want to compete. you might probably say im giving up before even trying but i guess i have been through enough shit this year to realize that most things dont mean anything. i might never match up to her if i tried, and im fine with that.
i dont want to be the second best. i've let you in and now you're telling me that, arent you? well im done chasing endless roads. im sorry im not good enough, but then again, sorry not sorry.
after what i heard today i went back and felt exactly how i felt 7 years ago, stupid, cold, alone and lonely. i told myself i never wanted to feel that way again and this is me telling you now. you dont care enough to listen about my past nor do you care enough to taste your words before you spit them out. but i do want the truth and i got it crystal clear. i thank you for that, but i dont want this, nor do i need this. i think im better off alone, free and single.
why do i always come here when im sad? oh thats right, because i ran out of people to whine to. no im just kidding, i just felt like typing this here. ever felt like you can never be too happy because you're afraid that once you soak in that blissful happiness something is going to go very very wrong? it happens to me all the time and i dont know why, after awhile you just stop being genuinely happy. its like the more crap you go through, the more you want to be alone.
i think after being alone for so long i just realize how much i dont want to compete in this relationship battle. like how when you are with someone, and when your someone looks at someone else, you are like completely jealous and all you can do is sulk like a bitch. im sick and tired of this. yes i might probably feel jealous for abit then i think again, if he really wanted to leave, he could. the door is always open. i'll just remember you left me because of her. and when one fine day you try and come back, the door would have already been locked shut, key tossed at sea, dragged down by a cold hard rock.
i hate how we have to always compete for the best spot. because if you are his gf/ bf you are already guaranteed one, aint it? but i guess not. im sorry i'll never match up to her or im sorry you'll never trust me as much as her or the moon for that matter. i dont want to try to reach that level, i dont want to compete. you might probably say im giving up before even trying but i guess i have been through enough shit this year to realize that most things dont mean anything. i might never match up to her if i tried, and im fine with that.
i dont want to be the second best. i've let you in and now you're telling me that, arent you? well im done chasing endless roads. im sorry im not good enough, but then again, sorry not sorry.
after what i heard today i went back and felt exactly how i felt 7 years ago, stupid, cold, alone and lonely. i told myself i never wanted to feel that way again and this is me telling you now. you dont care enough to listen about my past nor do you care enough to taste your words before you spit them out. but i do want the truth and i got it crystal clear. i thank you for that, but i dont want this, nor do i need this. i think im better off alone, free and single.
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