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Hols

That's right. The hols is here. Finally. And just a week before I was cramming everything into my head, making plans for the next day. Like how to study etc. but that's over now. 

I just realised I can never go a day without planning my day in advanced. Like if today was Saturday I would be planning for Sunday. What time should I get up? What should I do? What to complete? What are the things that r in my 'in' tray? Not literal because I threw the trays I had when I shifted house. Probably because I never really used them and they don't make my work anymore productive than it already is so... Yeah. 

Feels like I'm spurting nonsense again. But whatever. I miss my friends but thank god I can see them soon. Like bjsyz... This coming Monday and the vball girls for christmas dinner. I miss my bro and buds but I guess everyone's changed and somehow something that was once familiar to me feels different. Everyone has different things they wanna achieve and I guess they change along the way. It's true when people tell you to treasure the 'moment' because it only lasts for awhile. Everyone is ever changing but I feel stagnant somehow. 

Goodnight

Finally putting this app into good use because I'm too lazy to turn on the laptop. Initially I wanted to use the iPad to type this delayed post but hafiz has been holding onto it so whatever. Side tracking. I really don't know what I'm using the iPad for. Maybe it's true when people say they use it to flaunt their richness but the weird thing is I'm not and I should prolly sell it sometime soon so I can use it the cash for something better. Like i dont know a legit watch?!?! 

Ok I'm ranting.... Moving on. 

Recently I have been addicted to this YouTube star called clothes encounters. I don't really know why because I honestly have no interest in fashion at all. but I love her attitude the way she portrays herself in such a unique and bubbly manner that it's almost crazy to not fall in love with. If you have the time do check her out. I also love how she isn't like those perfect stick models kinda girl. Like she had her period of fatness (lol is there even such a word) and lost weight from it. "Her determination is most admirable." haha sounds like I picked it out from a movie. I did. 

MSTs r cmg and I have like a test tomorrow but I'm still here lol fml. I should be sleeping rn but there so many things going on in my head. 

I like to be alone now. Wow surprise surprise hahaha. No seriously I mean it. I enjoy time alone reading books or just staring into blank space without having to please anyone. Sometimes friends r nice to be with but sometimes they aren't. so I decided to stay away. And i don't really care if I'm in your "gang" or not. Because at the end of the day I have myself and that's all there is. And then of course there is hafiz. Haha but he doesn't judge me. I would know - I have farted, dig my nose, burped infront of him so yeah. I mean he does that too so it's cool. 

I used to be someone that can't live without friends and I always thought that if I hang out more with them they would appreciate me more but that was the wrong concept of all time. If they love you it doesn't matter if you hang out or not you will still be in their hearts. And I appreciate those that fall in the latter category.

This is such an awkward ending but yeah. Till the next. X

the mystery of BA: solved

hello. hellos < lol i dont even know why i used to type like that last time. the older i am the more i realise how stupid i was before and i am so ashamed sometimes i dont even want to look back. i think you guys get that.. do you?

sometimes i wonder how me and hafiz are not bored of each other because we have this no handphone rule when we are eating. oh and this unwritten rule tht we should not use our phones when we are with each other because the moment i use it he will be like" i have to fight for you attention with a non-living thing is it?! etc etc" you get the picture.

anyway i was talking to hafiz about how we met etc etc and we started to talk about how the name BA came about. alot of people kinda asked me like why does hafiz call you BA instead of like bel or belinda.

That is because the first time we met in chiangmai or  rather the trip to chiangmai, he was asking for my name. of course i didnt want to tell him and then i told everyone not to as well. so this friend of mine-  forgot who- said like my name started with the letter B and ended with the letter A.

so hafiz ( being hafiz ) went like:  "huh? BA?"

and that was how BA came about. there were a few more weird nickname since then but this has got to be the best one. up until now it feels weird when he calls me belinda, i think im warming up to being BA.

holidays

finally back and it feels so great. sometimes i quite glad that i dont really come here much because of all the sad things that it contains but then again it feels good to type out everything that has been going on lately in my life. (not that anyone is interested) but here goes.

holidays just started and it feels really great. i am finally 18 can you believe it?! my last paper kinda ended on my birthday and to end it off i spent a great time with hafiz. he treated me to the buffet that i wanted to go for so long because everyone around me keeps talking about it. haha on top of that he even wanted to give me tix for the jb concert that is coming up but i didnt really feel like going because i dont want him to waste so much money on me.

instead he got me this perfume from yves saint laurent and like many other presents from this shop that we saw after dinner. i feel so blessed and sometimes i find myself wondering what i would do without him. most people think that hafiz is really fortunate to have me but no. i guess not. i guess im the one that is lucky. i feel like when i am with him i dont have to constantly worry about all my problems and i can finally relax more because i have someone that is worrying about it as much as i do.

he solves like alot of problems for me and forces me to face the problems that i avoid. i know that being with him brings out the better side of me because he drives me to be a better person. that is what we all want from our other halves isnt it?

i see how my friends are with their boyfriends going off to army and i try to put myself in their shoes too. what if hafiz was going to the serve the country? i bet i wont even last a day. sigh. i cant bear the thought of not having him around because he is always always there to protect me. of course there are ups and downs but then i always find myself back in his arms. and of course that is where i want to stay.

i got a job as a brownie stylist hehe and it is going great so far i just hope that it doesnt take up so much of my time so that i still have time for hafiz and softball all together. i love my new job not because of all the dish washing and the cleaning i have to do but because this job let loose the creative side of you haha and like its so therapeutic always being around chocolate sigh. even tho my coach says im going to be fat :-(
i guess sacrifices have to be made then!

sigh i have to end here because i have a game at 8 tomorrow and it is already 12. goodnight :-)

Part 2

Actually I'm feeling pretty excited about this part because I had no idea that people were reading and haha some of them were asking me about part two.

So where did I stop? Oh yeah the awkward dinner. Awkward because his friend was there haha. So we didn't manage to have those proper meaningful conversations like those you have on dates and stuff. But things really progressed from there. Given the short amount of time we were together, all the pieces fell together, the right pieces... 

You know how people love long and meaningful messages? We had that, and still have it even tho it isn't as frequent as before. He have this unwritten rule that he must send me home always, not only because he wants to spend more time with me but also make sure that I got home safe and sound.more of the latter actually. It really means a lot to me, not because I never had anyone send me home before, but because I stay at woodlands now and he stays at holland. That's an hour ride to my house and an hour back... So much time spent just to make sure I was safe. But I guess to him every single second was worth it. Normally my classes ends around 5/6 last sem, so he had to either wait for me or wait for me? Haha. unless if he is unable to send me home he will ask me to take a cab back home and pay for it.

At first i was really reluctant for him to send me home always. i hated getting used to something i thought i was going to lose. like what if he didnt stay? what if he left? what if he was playing me? but now its like a usual routine, something we both love to do together. at the end of a long hard day in school all we want, or at least what i want, is to be in his arms. Then we'll ask about all the events that happened in the day and even if it was bad, we'd still have each other.

ahh. im side tracking. oh yeah i was talking about the messages. we continued with the usual date routines, the long messages, movie dates etc etc.. and finally one day, he asked. OMG HAHA I LOVE TELLING THIS PART BECAUSE GUESS HOW HE ASKED ME.

he wrote it on a crappy piece of paper. haha. then i was like " no " i want a do-over. i dont want to look back at this in the future and all i got was a crappy piece of paper. So it dragged on for a few days, and then he asked me, face to face. This is the second best part. guess how long he took to ask me to be his girlfriend? 45 minutes. freaking 45 minutes hahaha and he was saying how fast his heart was beating and how he has never done anything like that before.but after 45 minutes, he finally gathered the courage to.

Somehow i am really glad that i've met him because i swear, besides him, no one else knows me like he does. He will always know what's on my mind most of the time and i can always tell him anything and everything on my mind. He feels like he have known me forever too. We kinda talked about it once, and its crazy how much we can read each other. There was once, his friend found out about him having a girlfriend and kinda asked how long we have been together and stuff. so he replied "oh two years plus"

yeah he is just kidding, it isnt even two years, but that is how it feels like. it feels like we have known each other forever.

you must be wondering if we had any quarrels, we did. we fight about alot of things, we walk out on each other, we send each other hate textes. but all in all, at the end of the day, we know who we want to see at the end of our tunnel. These quarrels we have or had are just a part of the hurdles we have to go through together.

after all, we know that we only have each other to depend on when times get rough and that is what pulls us through. have a problem? sit down and talk it out. find a solution before it gets too late. we always have this rule that we must always say what we feel and how we feel. By trashing it out, we change and make ourselves better for one another.

haha, i guess thats all?
c u next post. xx

Stress out.

I just need a break from everything. I'm so tired everyday of the week I feel like a zombie. This course is expecting so much from me... Sigh. I used to be so happy learning all the new things every single week but nowadays I find myself slaving after new assignments everyday.

People are constantly stepping on my toes because I don't even bother to make a stand. This has to stop. 

Last but not least .... please please please maintain your originality. Sigh. Fucking copycats everywhere 

And hafiz if you're reading this, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this shit with me. I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're my pillar of support. Thank you because I can tell you. Anything and everything and you know me best and you make all the decisions after thinking what would be best for me. I appreciate that. After all this I promise you a trip to our secret place and I'll be paying the bills. :-) 

On a happier note my book is finally gonna arrive from the us hehe. I love receiving parcels. 

Hafiz

I just realized that in none of my blog entries have i ever talked about hafiz or how we met and such hehe. So, this shall be the first. pardon my grammatical errors and spelling errors because i've been having 3/4 hours sleep for the past week and right now it is about 2 am. 

Anyway, lets start it off with how we met. Actually, i met him like a year ago when i joined softball. (Thank god i joined softball) and didnt join volleyball. Firstly, i really wanted to try something new and i have to thank the person that got me into it in the first place, Boo. hehe. Sports Camp GL for my group that kinda asked me to go for tryouts. even though i wasnt able to make it for tryouts i went for the next several trainings instead and it turns out that i was picking up this sport quite quickly. i really wanted a sports CCA and because i really hate stepping out of my comfort zone, i decided to choose softball. since i already knew boo and its really cool because she turns out to be jiamin's cousin. hehe (small small world).

so i talked to hafiz after the next several trainings, i cant remember exactly when but all i knew was that he was really irritated and annoyed at me. in my defense i wasnt even trying to irritate him haha. i just didnt want to do the drills because like... OMG we have been batting the balls like robots continuously for the past hour already. other than that i dont really recall having much conversation with him.. infact none at all. cause i thought he was a senior then like all the softball people are not rlly the type of people i wanted to date because i felt that dating within your cca is so damn awkz and weird. haha ok im biting my own tongue now.

(this is during our softball trip, and if you can spot hafiz he is the one with the oakleys)

That was until our softball trip at chiangmai, thailand during the hols.Then we started having like real conversations haha. Like i said before i really didnt like stepping out of my comfort zone and i wasnt really close to anyone in softball yet, other than boo. so i was feeling pretty reluctant to go at first and again (Thank god i went) it has given me much exposure in terms of softball and it brought the girls team much much closer together than we were before. I met max and haha she really took care of me during the trip and im still grateful up till now. oh right and i met hafiz haha. actually i didnt know how it started. im not sure if it was the airplane ride or the long bus ride. but all in all throughout the whole trip he took really good care of me as well. even though i didnt think much of it then but when i think back now it makes my heart skip a beat and i feel butterflies in my tummy haha. but something bad happened along the trip cause like i was robbed and hafiz felt like it was his responsibility to "protect" everyone. i dont know why but he felt really guilty about it. so after the incident happened he kinda avoided me and we didnt speak for quite awhile.

School reopened and i dont usually see hafiz around school because being a science student most of our meals are usually at foodcourt 3 and hafiz was always hanging around foodcourt 5. apparently there is alot of pretty girls there for him to ogle at? idk. but on that day that school reopened i saw him at fc3 and like he wanted to ask me to go back to his secondary school to help with coaching?! what a way to ask a girl out idk. haha. but in the end i didnt manage to go because he thought i didnt reply him (because his phone didnt recieve the message) and i thought he didnt reply me because i dont know, guys are weird. they dont reply for no reason. then yiying was like telling me that i should call him to see if the plan is still on or like its cancelled. haha at first i didnt want to then yiying was like telling me " at least you try"  so i did. but guess what HE DIDNT PICK UP. lol.

so i thought like the whole thing was stupid and i was pretty much cursing at him for making me bring all my softball equipments to school without using them. Plus i had to lug it all the way home like hello. its not light?!?!?! in the end he called back then i was like " you're the one that didnt reply me" then he was like " ya right i was waiting for your reply" and he asked me out for dinz. haha which was very very awkward but look where we are now. haha

ok im gonna stop here. haha part 2?
luvz.xx

sick gurllll

hiiiii ^^ whatsupppppp.
can i say i feel like the luckiest girl on earth now. because i literally feel like i am. hehe.
ok maybe not everything is perfect. like my health is bad but its getting better. i hope i recover soon. been sick since sunday and today is alrd thurs :-(

thank you hafiz for everything. for taking care of me this week. (you have now officially seen me at my worst, so i believe you deserve me at my best).

haha. im not good at happy post. i think such memories are suppose to be kept close to your heart or when you hear a song on the radio. so the next time you hear it you'll be reminded of what happened.

its time to start living

hi guys i have finally came to update this tiny tiny and not to mention dead space. i swear time passes damn quickly when you're in poly. i mean i cant believe i'm finally going to be year 2 in just a few more weeks! i still rmb when i first came to sp and realize how everyone was so grown up and shit and thinking how i want to be just like them. but here i am feeling not so grown up at all.

that aside, im feeling pretty upset that the holidays are coming to an end and i havent actually done anything that i really like other than going for picnic w max, jason and fiz. i honestly think that that was the high point of my entire holiday. i mean it was great, we soaked in the sun and had really good roasted chicken- two in fact. YUMYUM. plus i got to carry my totally gay picnic basket and not get judged because its so motherfreaking ass huge and gay.

ok im bored already. i have a very short attention span on things right now..
anw im ending my post with this picture because its true and i think its also true when people say "people only treasure things when they are gone" too bad baby, you snooze, you lose. i gave you too many chances and i wont be the one to say " i told you so " right now.

 p.s. i want to iceskate someone bring me please.

revived

i havent been here for quite some time and i guess it's because i was finally content with how life was or were. it is sad that this blog has now become such a sad and lonely place left for me and my sad memories to die.

why do i always come here when im sad? oh thats right, because i ran out of people to whine to. no im just kidding, i just felt like typing this here. ever felt like you can never be too happy because you're afraid that once you soak in that blissful happiness something is going to go very very wrong? it happens to me all the time and i dont know why, after awhile you just stop being genuinely happy. its like the more crap you go through, the more you want to be alone.

i think after being alone for so long i just realize how much i dont want to compete in this relationship battle. like how when you are with someone, and when your someone looks at someone else, you are like completely jealous and all you can do is sulk like a bitch. im sick and tired of this. yes i might probably feel jealous for abit then i think again, if he really wanted to leave, he could. the door is always open. i'll just remember you left me because of her. and when one fine day you try and come back, the door would have already been locked shut, key tossed at sea, dragged down by a cold hard rock.

i hate how we have to always compete for the best spot. because if you are his gf/ bf you are already guaranteed one, aint it? but i guess not. im sorry i'll never match up to her or im sorry you'll never trust me as much as her or the moon for that matter. i dont want to try to reach that level, i dont want to compete. you might probably say im giving up before even trying but i guess i have been through enough shit this year to realize that most things dont mean anything. i might never match up to her if i tried, and im fine with that.

i dont want to be the second best. i've let you in and now you're telling me that, arent you? well im done chasing endless roads. im sorry im not good enough, but then again, sorry not sorry.

after what i heard today i went back and felt exactly how i felt 7 years ago, stupid, cold, alone and lonely. i told myself i never wanted to feel that way again and this is me telling you now. you dont care enough to listen about my past nor do you care enough to taste your words before you spit them out. but i do want the truth and i got it crystal clear. i thank you for that, but i dont want this, nor do i need this. i think im better off alone, free and single. 

if i dont type this down i dont know when i will ever do it. prolly not in the future cause i'd be thinking it is a bad idea. i really wish im at a time where things werent so fragile as they were now.

anyway. i know i should prolly be very immune to losing people. but i guess im not. well. im prolly on a verge of losing someone important. maybe i have already, i dont know. i feel sad about it but im not motivated to do anything about it either. half of me hopes that it would be alright. but half of me know it isnt. I hate how im at war with myself on this. but i know i cant go on about it speaking about my feelings because some bitches would prolly be like "er........ what...?" " what is she tryna do" blah blah blah. ya i sound like some paranoid bitch. maybe i am.

but at the end of the day, i cant force anyone to make any decision. so thats that. so i decided to forget that this happened. besides. when one door closes another opens, right?

bittersweet

whats up guyssss. hows the holidays going for you? mine has been great i guess. im finally up to season 5 of himym and i caught up with each and everyone of my friends. ^^v i guess all i really want right now is just a day alone at home doing my things without having to worry about reports to type and projects to complete but ah. i dont have the luxury to do that.

oh and if you're wondering, this is how mine went. tracing back to last week saturday, i went to help out at yck comunity center for some health results thingy and health circuit! :-) then gg out with bjsyz to celebrate jess 17th birthday hehe. hope you're having fun in china ^^v
7 years of friendship and counting yes? ^^ <3

so on sunday i went for softball training in the morning and had my hair done- like f i n a l l y.

now i have like 4 colours in my hair cuz my hair stylist is crazy haha. but yeah, i really wanted the blue hair but it wasnt obvious enough because he didnt want me to bleach it. so it looks like the one on top. he also did like a brown base with the top part of my hair with purple and gold highlights. :-) the gold is stealing most of the limelight tho.

on monday, it was crazy because i had like meeting, bonding session and open house talk all crammed into one day. on tuesday was even more boring cuz it was open house briefing all over again but by ro ann this time around. but i get to leave slightly early. thank god for training right. this is like the most boring two days of the week... but it gets better hehe.

on wednesday, i met aly baby and sj for lunch at nyp!

aww i rlly miss them. sj was like, why you wear so nice to come nyp?! and he just couldnt stop talking about it. like literally. it went on and on for the whole time we were there so i promised him the next time im meeting them there im wearing my pjays. haha. oh yup then i went to meet farhani, renie, logan and jr! :-) even tho it was for awhile it was still great.

then i met sy, before meeting my girls for our coffee date hehe

oh i love my friends :-)
thursday was pretty mundane at the start becuase math class was at 9am in the morning to 12 in the afternoon. we had lunch at clementi mall then went back to schl wrapping stuff for the eldery for the active ager event at clementi cc. anyway after that event i didnt really regret volunteering for it because i met some really great year 3 seniors and the elderly that were there were all so adorable. sigh when i grow old i want to be aging with grace and have great friends to go to such stuff with too. one of them showed me so much love im still thinking about her until now hehe. it was so much fun we even got to dance to some random pop song and going crazy ms carmen was like " dont be so crazy you must protect your image" haha

friday was spent with jr gg to marche to nomz and shopping for stuff we didnt buy in the end cuz the sperry he wanted didnt have his size and i couldnt find my studded boots. so in the end we gave up and went to udders instead and had a super long walk all the way back to amk.

saturday was sports club bonding camp and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. :-) we ended up prawing the whole night and i had training at 8 am which was basically a stupid move because i was friggin tired. but fun nevertheless. chervel came over later at night and she is such a joy i love her hehe.

what a week huh. i guess if i had to choose a day to re-live i would definitely choose wednesday. :-) i guess bittersweet meant that somethings in life are great and some.. not so much. you cant have a rainbow without some rain right? i guess life is just like that, but we love it anyway :-)

looking forward to this coming week tho. training and proj tmwr, class outing at sentosa on wed, marina barrage w sy, aly, kulia on thurs and uss on fri. :-)

updates soon, hope you're having a great hols too. xoxo

my humps.

over due photo but here it is anyway. always good to start a post with a picture, xx.

too stressed out to do anything so i shall blog. i guess it is my form of escapism from reality even though i am currently blogging about my reality. hmm.

i dont know why my course is so stressful. i mean i see people's courses and they have like 3/4 modules per sem and we have like 7 each sem. even the module that teaches us to manage stress is stressing us out. oh the irony. urgh..... but this is what i chose so therefore i shall not complain. lol. better learn to deal with it because people are getting crazy gpa 4.

anyway, im so glad i met with alysa today. omg i rlly missed the girl! so much so that we spend the first hour chatting and updating each other about our lives. i remember when we always sit together during english classes and bring our carebear to school just for that lesson. lol idk what we were thinking but ms khoo luved it too. har har. omgzxz if you r reading this i hope to see you soon! hehe after my exams then we can have a nice decent chat over coffee without studying, yay. luv.

on a side note i think gymming is quite addictive becuz when you go to the gym you have this target that you want to achieve and you work hard to achieve it. Its for your own good and you don't have coaches and expectations to live up to or anyone to please because it is your body and the look you want to maintain. i guess i like it like that. For some people losing weight, keeping fit, etc. i dont know. but rn i need to gain 0.8kg of muscle and lose 0.2kg of fats whoop. i found out today that i can just lie in bed and eat two MacDonald meals without gaining anything. hahaha i guess this is then benefit of my course then. becuz we have a gym built for us for our practical lessons and we can book to use it anytime we want. plus points, you get to see fit guys in our course with real muscles and everything. hehe.

oh and i dissected a frog and here is a picture to prove it

hahaha. i swear it was super fun! cuz i wanted to be the one to dissect the frog and jr and yy let me, yay. and no im not a sadist.

i guess another plus point is that we get to cook awesome dishes. like the ones above were the ones that we made for practical lessons. we had to start from scratch so the group that did the chicken had to literally chop of the head of the chicken. and i might add, which was quit gruesome to watch. but at least i didnt do it. lol. i swear i was going to hurl when the teacher did the demo but thank god i didnt. ya i can dissect a frog and cant watch the removal of a chicken's head. cuz im a p u  s s y.

i guess at the end of this post your wondering whats up with my title and it has really nothing to do with the post except that jolz was playing the song in the library just now and it got stuck in my head ever since. damn.

see you all very soon, and stop eating frog legs and drinking juice out of a can. so much luv for you all. xx

recovery at its best.

had a really great saturday with my girls. i swear whenever we go out, its always a good time. haha. so 10 of us made it for dinner, which was like almost the whole team ^^v  everyone updated about their current lives, some good, some not so great but still not that bad. oh and of cuz we couldnt leave out the juicy gossips. hahaha. and yes i still cant get over the fact..... lol.

we were suppose to have dinz at timbre but thanks to the stupid service that didnt take down sy's number and contacts, they said that they didnt have the reservation. lol, whut. thank god we had like a back up plan which was bungy bar owned my becky's dad. their cheese fries is so awesome. haha and we had bacon!! oh emm gee yums.  

oh and i have to blog about this cuz it was too epic. we bought this peach drink from this jap shop because we were all so thirsty but then when we got back to central we realised that it was covered with those beer bottle caps and, of course we didnt have a bottle opener. so we stood around for 15 minutes thinking of ways to open it then suddenly one of the girls tried to open it with some metal sculpture and failed. i guess we were really desperate. in the end, we all decided to head home to drink it! lol. and sherlene the freaking bimbo was like " i think it would taste better cold so im putting it in the fridge first " so i said, " i guess they invented ice for a reason" and sher was like " oh my ya iceee i totally forgot. " hahahaha. :') my girls.

speaking of which i really missed secondary school cuz during recess we would just sit outside the bench waiting for each other to get out of class before gg down for recess together. mel would always cut queue to help us order noodles and stuff. during april fools we sat outside in a whole row just to prank the person walking by hahaha.

too many things happened to fit into this small space, so i shall end here.
oh well, its monday tomorrow, wish me luck.
see you all very soon, xx.

ps/ and yes, time heals all wounds isnt it? well, i hope it is healing mine now. 

para los que amo, voy a sacrificar.

day 10 is suppose to be a picture of something that i use daily.. so here is someday by justin bieber. ^^v

-

HARLOW.
I TYPED A SUPER LONG POST ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING RECENTLY BUT I DECIDED THAT IF PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT YR LIFE THEY WOULD JUST TEXT YOU AND ASK YOU HOW IT HAS BEEN. MINE IS TO THE EXTEND THAT IM SAYING FUCK MY LIFE AND DONT YOU PEOPLE COME TO SP. GO TO NP, NYP, RP, TP. you have been warned.

i dwell with a strangely aching heart

day 8 is suppose to be a picture of your sky and that was how mine looked like a few days ago when i went jogging. it was kinda dark cuz it was gonna rain but it didnt and i managed to watch the sunset. :-) i hate it when the weather is bad when i go for a jog because jogging really helps me think. i dont know how it works but whenever i go for a jog i think better and after the jog all my problems would be solved somehow or rather. if it doesnt that means that i will have to continue jogging for the next few days until i get it sorted in my brain i guess.

-

(i think i look cuter when i was younger ^ )
holaaaaaa. how is it going for you guys? :-)
i wanna thank a certain someone that has helped me thru something that happened not too long ago. i guess it was great that i took the advice. it wasnt the fact that i didnt thought about the ways to solve it- i already knew i had to do it i just didnt want to, or rather didnt have the courage to. but you telling me the problem straight to my face was just the antidote that i needed to wake myself up from this mess. i guess you gave me courage to do something and it made me feel better ever since. i dont know why but it did and im glad. i still think about the problem now and then but i dont regret because i know that whatever i did was for the best and i had to let go at one point or another. there was no point holding on to something that had already been lost.

oh look im a happy cat. lol. my sist bought this to wear to the halloween event at USS.. and i guess it looks cuter > scary. probably it just attracted all the weird killer clowns and scary dolls to her i dont know. if i went there i bet i will be like " ahhh fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck " lol. i am never good with scary stuff  or horror movies. but i think im getting numb to horror movies now.. cuz i didnt scream at the lastest one that i watched. yay me?

school on tuesday was great because it was our first gym practical! everyone looks so sporty yay and renie looks super cute here, doesnt she? this is like the yoga room i think because there are mirrors on the walls of the room and yoga balls at the side. This gym is built solely for DNHW students! how cool is that? :-)

i guess thats all, cuz im tired and i need my rest. harhar.
i shall leave you with this song because i think dappy sounds great singing solo.

i'd say i give a fuck but i dont.

let me start the post with a 16 pictures of myself becuz i luv myself.  lol. follow me on insta (@beldelacour) if you love me too. lol im just sayin'
day 6 is suppose to be something that makes me smile and i dont really know.. hmm. i guess the thing that made me happy recently was finding my old ( now spoilt ) watch under my bed. i have been mourning for so long and i found it under my bed. sweet surprise.

i cant say school has been great because it havent. but i see everyone trying really hard now and it stresses me out like crazy because when i get home i dont really do much work. especially since the school just started, i just come back home and read my books. oh yay another thing that makes me happy.

on the bright side which really isnt very bright to begin with, the lecturers arent that bad. i have to say i luv paul's lessons cause i can relate to them pretty well. He is like this macho guy teaching us and its really funny cuz he reminds me of johnny bravo without the blond hair.

on the other not so colourful side of my life, i realised that im starting to hate texting alot. so i either take very long to reply or dont reply cuz i dont like it anymore. i stopped checking twitter as often because all i see nowadays are just indirect tweets scolding each other or whatever. i mean i do that when im bitchy but not so much anymore because i keep telling myself that i dont want to be like that. plus, its quite meaningless to do so if you were scolding someone and they are completely oblivious to it...... and ask you "who you bitching about" then you're like.. "you."

since this post is already so lenghty (is it even a word? lol) i shall do day 7 as well.
here is a picture of my favourite quote. it has been ever since someone left but then i think it has served its purpose for me and now it shall for you.

heres a random picture of me from not too long ago.. during the start of hols.

ok i hope you like my screaming face and halloween is coming.. so you shall be dreaming of me screaming tonight. hopefully it will be a beautiful nightmare.harhar. tell me how it goes.

see you all very soon. x

Day 5 - something you wore

my most recent ootd. so i might as well use it cuz it suppose to be a picture of something i wore.
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i guess if you all have been reading my twitter, you must be wondering why i was so sad the past couple of days.. well, its because my hamster died. yala some people might think im over-reacting or what not but fuck you cuz you dont have a pet, much less know the feeling of losing one. you dont know how it feels like to carry its stone cold body and bury it, hoping that wherever it is going it has gone to a better place. so dont comment on something you have yet to experience and dont tell me you feel me becos you obviously dont. i dont need pity or whatever because i know thats not going to get me my hamster back. i just wish i could have done more for this hamster so its able to live longer.. i dont know. Rest In Peace, fluffy. 28 dec 2009 - 9 oct 2012. no hamster can ever replace you and i'll visit you whenever i can.

thank you for everyone that has been there. jr texted me and like said " who make you cry!?" and like he was upset that he couldnt cheer me up but thanks for being there :') and fauzan texted me to ask me to call him but i didnt reply or call at all then he still called me up at night and asked me whats wrong. Yiying sent me a super long message asking me to cheer up :') and ryan who can totally relate to my situation.. thank you all so much.

i guess all i need now is closure.

day 4- a picture of your mail box.

well its sad that i dont have a pretty mailbox to post up but what the hell. actually i do. it is made of metal and it is very ugly. i bet everyone has one similar to mine. unless you're staying in a private property which is a different case lol. but good for you anyway, you can do this 30 day challenge then!

i have been shopping alot lately and yes it makes me happy. so if you are reading this, you should ask me out so i have a chance to wear what i bought ^^v hahaha. im just saying that.

anyway, im running out of things to do during the holidays so im pretty glad it is coming to an end. i havent touched my pen in the longest time so my handwriting is going to be awfully ugly for the first few days... on top of that i really hate ugly handwriting so i'll probably re-write everything once i have the time. lol.

im so glad im going to be going out for almost the week next week tho! traning and hair treatment on monday with yilu, cycling at ecp with my girls on tuesday, training and baking with my buddies on wednesday, bestfriend day on friday! :-)

lol sometimes i dont even know why i blog.