Days without Joseph #2

I thought after I woke up.. That you'd be here and I'll be getting good morning textes from you.. But I woke up to nothing.

I really hoped you would reply me. Throughout the whole night I have been thinking about how you were going to reply and all and I just can't get back to sleep...

I tried to hate you. Like if I hated you about being a jerk about changing yr fb picture... About yr twitter bio.. About the part where you say girlfriend isn't everything. Looks like I didn't mean anything to you even before we broke up.. Like how you lied about putting sp choices first.. And how much you didn't want to fight to be with me before we broke up.

The day before our results were out I was half hoping that you would get into sp with me because then we wouldnt really be far apart with me moving and all.. All I wanted was to be with you. But hopes r for losers cos the other side didn't really want me.

Then I realized that there was no point driving myself to this insanity of hating you when all I could ever do is love you more.

I can't stop crying even after its been so long.. Everything reminds me of you. The stuffed bears that you gave me.. The picture of you on my wall.. Our photo album.. I want so much as to get rid of it but I can't bring myself to.. Like losing you wasnt bad enough already.

When Rebecca came to find me yesterday and tried all sorts to make me eat I just didn't feel like it.. I guess some people just deal with their pain by eating a lot... The opposite for me then.. I just don't eat. I haven't been doing that for the past day I'm sure I could survive another one.

I can't stand being alone... Becos then all I would ever think of is you.

And I wonder if you think about me too... But I saw you being so happy on Facebook with yr games and all. I guess I don't mean much after all.. I keep telling myself that if yr happy then it really must be the right decision for you. And that I don't really mind suffering just so as long as yr happy.

I'm sorry I couldn't do much for you. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better girl..