Days without Joseph #1

Today was an incredibly hard day for me to get through... I cried so hard when I saw the message. So hard hoping it will be a "no" I don't want to lose you.. But wishes don't come true.. So I got the total opposite. And tears just came running down..

Must have given Joshua a shock when I called crying so badly and hung up.. I called you... But you seemed so ok about it that it hurts so much for me..

I cried so much after you hanged up on me... And i really tried to hold it in. No idea how the tears found its way back when I went to work and everyone asked if I was ok... So hard to put up a strong front.. So hard to pull myself together when I feel so broken... And every time I was left alone I can't help but cry.. I didn't want to seem so weak but I can't stop.. I wished it would so cos it hurts so bad.

It's 12:21am now. Friday has finally arrived... I've looked forward to this day since the start of the week cos I missed you so much. All I wanted to do was run up and hug you for as long as I could... But this Friday is going to be such a nightmare for me...

All I want to do now is text you hey bby r we meeting tomorrow? Think about what movie to watch, what to eat, playing pool with you so that for the 8th time we play it you might actually win me. Then I realized.. No more meeting, no more texting no more movies no more pool..

I think about how you always came to pick me up at work then we would go for dinner after... How we always can't decide on what you eat and how you pissed off the chicken rice stall uncle in redhill.. How we said we would avoid eating thr until the uncle forgets us cos the chicken rice is so good... I think about how we raced to the swing every time we had the chance...
I Walked by the place you asked me to be yr girl. And I just died a little more inside... How I loved the bus rides cos then I'll be able to hold yr hand. .. How we see who walked faster in boxes.. And walking in boxes tgt...

I regretted deleting all yr messages cos all I wanna do right now is look back at what happened before we broke up... I'm so afraid to delete the pictures cos I'm so scared to lose that memory of you....

I love you. I'm sorry my love wasn't enough to make you stay.